LOVE ME OR HATE ME

sucks to have her back in his life.

2010-01-06T14:21:00.001-08:00

i was reading my entries. napangiti ako. uttered "sooooo over it!" =) *winkies*
we're over, and yes, i've accepted that we really died the natural death. now, i knoe im gutsy enough to see him, face to face, laugh with him and talk about anything like we used before, without any romantic feelings involve. iv moved on!!! it took many months for me to finally leave and move on and accept the fact that the relationship we took care of is gone. we're better off as friends =)

it was september. my last birthday. he gave me a very nice present, the gift of freedom!

i woke up one day and realized, it isnt working anymore. we became stagnant. it couldv, it wouldv worked, if we tried a little harder, yet, i grew tired.

IT TAKES ANOTHER MAN FOR A WOMAN TO MOVE ON AND FORGET HER OTHER MAN.

---i don't agree. i strooooongly disagree! i moved on, loved myself, picked up my broken pieces and was happy after lewis and i parted. "was".

since iv lotsa love to give, i fell in love with this man. my present boyfriend. i love him. he came when i thought i wasnt ready to love again. pero may "spark", for real! i knoe, may chemistry.

another magulong situation tho. he was in a year long relationship when we met. we jive. we're happy together, sa pagkakaalam ko. naging kame. naghiwalay sila. he made me believe na we'll be okay. we'll make it thru--- again. katulad ng palaging promise sa isang relationship. i believe him, i knoe we can make this relationship work, kung magtutulungan kme. we're having a tough start. mahirap, sobrang hirap. him and "DYY"(acronym ng tawag ni sheaye, friend ko, sa supposedly "ex" girlfriend ng boyfriend ko) theyr teamates, they're always together sa work. and yea, bago toh, nagseselos ako. pero fine, part of pagsubok to skin. but one thing na hindi ko matanggap is, we'e having a tough start, naging complicated pa lalo, why? because, theyr back together. kme, sila. pero technically, KAMI na tlga. and that makes her his second now. darn.

when he promised me na ako lang, when he told me na he's not planning to do anything stupid. when he even told me that he'll stay with me until forever. liar!

but i love him. and i still want to believe that all those stuff he told me were not just full of crap. i still believe we'll make it thru. it's just too painful. im trying to keep my sanity.

kahit okay naman kme ngyon, kahit masaya at mahal ko sya, mahal nia ko, it isnt enough. our relationship wont grow kung palaging nakadikit si DYY sa kanya. and if she thinks im giving this relationship up para pabayaan ko sa knya ung boyfriend ko, she's wrong.

but im almost near... so close... to my end point. im not breaking up with him. i knoe. i knoe myself too well. sounds to cheesy or whatever, but he'll be my boyfriend until that "end".

september 22, my second life.

2010, will be my end... im tired.

the test of time*

2009-08-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

everything may change in a snap. we may love, we may fail, we may care a lot for a person today and forget about what you had by tomorrow, nothing is permanent. the love you thought would last could vanish in a wink of an eye. the feelings you nurtured and the lies you believed in may disappear...

nothing could last. nothing could be left in your hand...
painful as it is but this is L-I-F-E. that is how it should be spelled.

i couldn't careless if you made me waiting for the longest time. i couldn't careless if you used to wake me up in the middle of the night and asked me to serve you a midnight snack. i couldn't careless if i haven't gone to work because i was drunk because of you and the uncertainties... i couldn't careless if you have A B C D E F... all the letters in the alphabet could spell out the names of your girls--- for i know they wouldn't last. i couldn't careless if you made me believe what we once had were true. i couldn't careless if "we" died the natural death- unlabeled. i couldn't careless if you're going out with different girls...

i hate how much i love you... i hate how much you made me care...

yet, im here. waiting. longing. loving you still....

GIRLFRIEND

2009-06-24T05:51:00.001-07:00

because it's LOVE...

2009-02-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

Love is patient,
True love is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on the attributes or lack thereof of the person loved, therefore, it is willing to give as much time necessary, and as much space as necessary for that person to grow.

love is kind and is not jealous;
Love seeks to give others something of benefit for their welfare, and consequently, rejoices when they do benefit.

love does not brag and is not arrogant,
To lift one's self up in reference to others leaves no room for unconditional, graceful love.

does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,
To act inappropriately, shamefully (morally, especially in the area of sexual purity) is not in accordance with true love. Love never seeks it's own gratificaiton but rather the interests of others.

is not provoked,
Selfishness seeks to manipulate others by stimulating certain selfish emotions. Love will not do this to others, nor will it let it happen to itself.

does not take into account a wrong suffered,
Forgivenss. Let it go. Bitterness is the acid. You are the container. Get rid of it or it will kill you.

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
Love does not somehow gloss over things that are going to be hurtful. True love originates from the truth.

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
If love really is unconditional, it will hold any weight, face any doubt, persist through hopelessness, and last any trial

Love never fails...
If it did, would it be love?

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Someday, faith will not be needed, for we will see God. Hope will not be needed, for when everything is fulfilled, there is no need for hope. But love, yes, to it there will be no end. If it did, it wouldn't be love.

hAwAk KaMaY... *

2009-01-28T11:46:00.000-08:00

Paano ba natin masusukat yung pagmamahal ng tao?

Next question please?! ^-^

Hindi… seryoso. Paano nga ba?
Would it be the number of text messages sent and replied to in a day? Or the number of pictures the two of you have? Or the number of years, months, weeks, days, hours and or minutes you’ve spent together? The trials and challenges you’ve surpassed? How he/ she ran after you just when you turned your back? The sweetness he or she has shown you? the effort? The foods he or she have cooked for you? the sleepless nights he or she have spent crying because you had a big fight?

How?

Pretty tough huh?!

Personally, hindi ko din talaga alam eh. Ako, tingin ko, hindi yun sa material things na naibigay nyo sa isa’t isa. Hindi rin naman sa tinagal ng relasyon. Yung iba nga jan umaabot ng four, five, six years? Tapos, pagkatapos ng napakaraming pagsubok, pag aaway, pagtataboy sa isa’t isa, paghahabol, paglalambingan at dami ng promises na sa isa’t isa, naghihiwalay pa din sa huli, diba?

Madalas, naaalala ko si Mitch (friend ko for few years now, magkasama kames a condo when I was in college), pag picture moments. She had this boyfriend na three or four years na sila pero believe it or not, they have very few pictures taken together. She believes, and used to tell me, pangit daw yung nagpapapicture kayo together kasi maghihiwalay daw. Funny I know, at hindi ko alam kung saan nya nakuha yun, (peace mitchy!) pero ngayon na adopt ko na sya. Though I don’t believe it, really, but when I and my someone special are being asked to strike a pose and shine that smile to the camera, I personally refuse too. When askd why, I would reply: “pangit daw magpapicture ng magkasama kasi maghihiwalay…” (sabay isip, anong logic?! hehe)

Tingin ko din, ang pagmamahal, hindi naman kelangan araw araw sabihin. Minsan it is better to show and demonstrate it, diba? Trust and respect the person you love--- that should be enough.

Sabi ko nga, wag na wag lang akong mumurahin o sasaktan physically and intentionally, kahit gaano kalaki yung maging problema, we can always compromise and talk about it over. Walang hindi nadadaan sa maboteng usapan… I mean, sa mabuti at malumanay na pag uusap. Guess I am right?!

Sa dami ng heartaches, shocking revelations, moments of silence, lies and truth, ano pa bang hindi ko kinayang harapin at tanggapin? Oo siguro nga hindi ko pa fully accepted ang mga nangyari at mga pangyayari pero sabi nga ng kanta ni Yeng Constantino: “hawak kamay di kita iiwanan sa paglalakbay ditto sa mundong walang katiyakan”, hindi ko alam talaga if my lyrics were right? Pero, yung message ng song yung pinopoint out ko. Basta ang alam ko, hindi nyo kelangan araw araw na magkita at magkasama, basta alam mo at secured ka, sapat nay un, dahil at the end of the day, alam mo sa sarili mo na nagmamahal ka at minamahal ka ng taong yun. Diba?!

I am bitter. Sabi ko nga sa previous entry ko, I could also get hurt. Tao lang ako. I am not perfect. ang dami kong hang ups. Ang dami kong problema. Minsan, hindi ko alam kung pano pa ko haharap sa mga yun. Kinakaya ko lang dahil alam ko, hindi nya ko pinapabayaan. Kung sino man sya. Alam ko din andyan ang family ko. Ang dami kong friends. Mas malaki pa din ang problema ng Pilipinas kesa sa problema ko. Totoo naman yun diba?

My heart is too fragile. I bet you know that. I am vulnerable. Don’t make me too frail. I know how you’ve been trying. With all the odds and consequences, we’ll make it thru. Promise me one thing, hold my hand and don’t let me go and slip away…

REALITY CHECK... normal pa 'ko... =D

2009-01-27T00:00:00.000-08:00

“The only constant in this world is change” --- very common to hear but it makes sense. Just few minutes ago, a friend sent this to me thru text. Yes, I know it. I believe him. in the first place, we cannot change what was written in our life’s book. That was made by God. And sometimes, as much as we want something to be permanent in our life, like a relationship or something to keep for the rest of our life we just couldn’t because it was not really meant to be for us but was just lend to us by God. Sabi nga nila, “God won’t give us a trial if He knows we can’t surpass it”. Oh God. He is so powerful and we can never do anything against His will. I know, trial makes us stronger and we learn a lot from it.

When we are faced in two choices, from a quote that my cousin sent me it says: “toss a coin. While the coin is in the air, you would definitely know what you want to do, not because of what comes out of the coin, head or tail, but because while the coin is in the air, you’ll surely wish anywhere between the choices you have”. And it really makes sense!

A quote from BOB ONG: “kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa dahil hindi ka magmamahal ng isa pa kung talagang mahal mo yung nauna”. ---- this one, I don’t know if I should believe it or not?! But what if, nagustuhan mo yung pangalawa dahil meron sya na wala sa una? Pano kung hindi lang dalawa kung hindi tatlo pala? Ibig sabihin ba nun, piliin mo yung pangatlo at iwan mo yung una at pangalawa? Pano kung iniwan mo na yung una? Dalawa na lang yung natira obviously. Pero pano kung hindi mo kaya iwan yung una pero sabi ng iba mas okay yung pangalawa?! Ang gulo. Pero para sakin, ganito lang kasimple yun, ang tao, pwede magmahal ng kahit gano karaming gustuhin niya, pero kahit kelan hindi magkakaroon ng comparison yung way ng pagmamahal nya sa isa laban sa isa [tagalong na tagalong yun, at nasabi ko ng deretso! Yehey!!!]

Ayun, may sense ba yun?

When I was in highschool, that was the time when nauso yung text sa mobile phone, right?! And a friend sent me this quote: MOST REATIONSHIP FAILS NOT BECAUSE OF THE ABSENCE OF LOVE. LOVE IS ALWAYS PRESENT. IT JUST SO HAPPENED THAT THE OTHER IS TOO LITTLE AND THE OTHER IS TOO MUCH. [oo, sa maniwala kayo’t sa hindi ganon katibay ang memory ‘ko]
---that makes sense. Lahat ng sobra masama ganon din lahat ng kulang. Dapat tama lang and if you want to share it with someone dapat pantay--- patas! [prang hating magkapatid, walang gulangan]

Actually, for whatever I have now, hindi ko alam kung anong quote ang bagay sakin eh. Malabo. Per friendster pa nga “it’s complicated”. Sabi pa ni Avril Lavigne: “why you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you’re acting like you’re somebody else makes me frustrated!” ---ayun o, FRUSTRATED daw… huh?!

Grabe! LOVE makes the world go round… gaano katotoo yun?! May nagsend pa sakin ng quote na “LOVE is when you’re heart beats faster blah blah tpos sa huli may nakalagay--- LOVE pala yun akala ko lasing lang!” ---tsk tsk…

I’ve been in a long relationship and it ended last Dec.’07. I never whined or cried about it. Gusto ko lang sabihin, minsan na ‘kong naagawan, umiyak at tumahan nang wala akong nagawa. Pikit mata kong tinanggap na minsan, ang lalake, kahit gaano mo sya inintindi at minahal, hindi pa rin yun magiging sapat para ikaw ang piliin niya. Kung ano man yung mga bagay na naisip nya and he used into considerations para piliin yung isa, hindi ko din alam at hindi ko na inalam. Masakit na malaman na yung boyfriend mo sa mahabang panahon, niloko ka, niloloko ka at pinapaniwala sa mga kasinungalingan ng paulit ulit. Been there and experienced that stuff. Pero, oo, may better na kapalit. When we decided to move on and part ways last Dec.’07, I met someone, same month. Nung una, tamang pakilig lang. nakakatuwa sya. Mabait, makulit at mahilig magjoke! Araw araw ko siya nakikita. Hanggang naging okay kame, gabi gabi pagkatapos ng work ko, nagkikita kame, tambay mode. Tawanan, asaran at kwentuhan. I developed special feelings for him. I am happy that this person came into my life and put color into it. The past relationship I had before I met this someone last Dec’07, lasted for three years and eight mos. to be exact. For me it was long. But I got tired of understanding him, accepting his alibis and believing on his lies. I admit, I wasn’t a perfect girlfriend and I admit I had a lot of shortcomings too. So let us not put all the blame into him. And now, let us go back to this someone.

One year is way shorter than almost four years but on that one year, we never fought and had a big trouble between ‘us’. I learned to grow, be mature and think not just for myself but for others. I became selfless. The brat that I once was is gone. Now, I am more patient, understanding and loving.

There is no such thing as perfect relationship, obvious ba. Lagi ko sinsabi yan. Sa dinami dami ng mga nakita kong failed relationships, sinong magsasabi na tanga ako sa pinili kong relasyon ngayon? Actually sa totoo, madami na. oo, almost all of my friends are against it. Not really pala. They support me all the way. They’ve seen me breaking down, crying my heart out and sober.

Mahirap mapunta sa kumplikadong relasyon. Bakit ka nyo? Naman, hindi ba obvious? Madalas iiyak ka. Oo, I know, I couldn’t be happier when we’re together. He gave me all the happiness I could experience. And fact is, I know my parents like him.

Minsan hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat. Alam ko kung ano ang tama. Pero mahirap kasi to decide when alam mo sa sarili mo that if you’ll do the right thing, hindi ka magiging masaya.

Honestly, I take no pleasure when I know in my heart that someone is hurting because of my existence. I may be mean but I am not evil. I may seem maldita, which I know I really am, but I was brought up guided by my parents well and came from a good and loving family. People may think of me as the happy-go-lucky girl, at some point I am, but I know, matino pa ung pagiisip ko and alam ko pa naman yung ginagawa ko…

Whatever it is that I really want to say on this entry, alam ko sa sarili ko I’m just loving. I am hurting, tao lang din ako, hindi perfect. hindi ako ma pride. Hindi ako mahilig sa gulo. Gusto ko lang naman maging masaya. Masama bay yun???

Sa lahat ng nasaktan at nasasaktan ko, sorry. Hindi ko sinasadya. I am not selfish. One thing is I am sure about, ni minsan, hindi ako nang agaw, hindi ako nang aagaw at hindi ako mang aagaw. I know how it feels to be betrayed by the person whom you loved the most and I believe in karma.

Now, as I write this entry, I know in my heart what I want really. I love. I care. I love my choice.

Nobody said this is going to be easy, but I believe in my heart that God won’t put me in this situation if it will lead me to nothing. There may be a lot of trials and rough roads but at the end of time, I know, everything’s going to be alright. =D

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

2008-12-28T05:02:00.001-08:00

CHRISTMAS is over and we're looking forward to a new and prosperous year. Let's all leave the memories of unfortunate events of this year and move on and make everything good and happy on the upcoming year!

I wish and pray that all of us, my family, friends, and that someone would have a good year ahead as we enter 2009!

Let's thank GOD for all the wonderful blessings and thank Him for the challenges we encountered and managed to go thru from this year, 2008!

Let's not forget that everything happens for a reason and purpose!

Whatever happened this year, fortunate, good, happy, bad, sad or still doesn't have a label, I am thankful for everything. To all the people that touched my heart and life, thank you and I appreciate everything especially those times when you never left me at the time I needed you most. Thank you for loving the imperfect side of me and for accepting me for who I am and what I became!

For someone who came into my life just before I welcomed the year 2008, thank you for staying and keeping everything the way it is... I am so happy and excited to welcome 2009, knowing you're still with me and it has been a year since we met! This year might have not been a perfect year, but knowing that the book isn't over makes me feel so good! We might have gone thru a lot of disappointments and misunderstandings, but you'll always have me and as how the song goes.... "I'm yours" ^.^ I appreciate your existence in my life! You make it imperfectly perfect!

To my FRIEND OF THE YEAR awardees:
-Dbyne
-Debz
-Jaja
-Oui
-Zai

-----> Thank you oh so much!!!! I love you so much sisters!!! ^.^ thanks for being with me and loving me for everything at! sa hindi nio pagsasawang makinig ng mga "mali" na pangyayari... tuloi tuloi na maboboteng usapan! tuloi tuloi na kalukringan! tuloi tuloi na aplaya, salts and spirit, at walang humpay na trif! ^.^ sobrang mahal ko kaio! pano na si bibit pag nawala pa keio?! hihi... yikes! drama marathon ko toh.
.debz, moment ko toh! hehe ^.^
.babygirl, dbyne, salamat sobra! dahil sa kalukringan mo, nahawa na ko, hehe at kahit sa tearjerking moments ko, lagi mo ko napapatawa at napapasaya!
.jaja, we may have had a bad experience from the past but despite of everything, you're now my brother, and that ahole that made us enemies way back won't matter with the friendship we've built. im glad to have you bro! Aja! ^.^
.oui, pare, chong, dude, tol, 7yrs na tyong loko loko, magbagong buhay na tyo ngyong '09! hahaha... pero salamat pare! sa lahat ng ngyri, nawitness mo pano ko naging masaya, nagbreakdown, at naging masaya ulit! shot shot! hehe
.zai, mare, thank you sa pagiging baliw mo. dahil sa kabaklaan mo mare, bakla na din ako ngyon! sana maging masaya ka na din. mahanap mo na sya and remember, mr. right might not be mr. perfect.

love you mga kapatid ko!

To my family, the most important people in my life, sorry for all the times i might have disappointed you and made you felt unimportant. You gave me everything and i have nothing more to ask for from you. I know, you're the only constant in my life and if there's one thing I am very thankful and proud of is that I belong to this BIG, happy and loving family!!!

sa lahat ng kadramahang sinabi ko, gusto ko lang talaga bumati ng:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone!!!

*babylablab*

mc home***

2008-12-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

they might believe in your lies but i don't..
i might not knoe the 100% truth but bet i knoe 95% of it.
i can tell when you're lying again and when what you're saying is real...
they might even think i believe them when they make up stories to cover up your lies, but i don't...
for i've been watching everything. for i've been listening from every word uttered.
i knoe the truth... even what you're doing and where you've been...

i just prefer to keep quiet...

...i'm loving my silence...

...and i think im doing it right so far...

...things are not as simple as they may seem...

...for what i knoe, and what you prefers me to knoe, im okay with it...

this is for whatever reason...

2008-11-29T03:10:00.000-08:00

IM SORRY IM NOT PERFECT...

..and soas them... and so as you...
...i am not a saint...
...i am considerate and i could understand everything. i could always try to absorb all the glitches but sometimes, i also need an explanation why this and that happens... don't let me be passive with everything because i might burst out and i hate it... i am getting overloaded.. and lately, i've been having my temporary insanity attack. owmen!

tsk tsk... bad baby*

here's the doctor's prescription:

1. explanation of truth.
2. conversation
3. honesty
4. let me knoe what's happening
5. don't put all the blame on me

..and i'll be alright.

that someone will always be you ^.^

2008-11-28T00:34:00.000-08:00

This is for someone whom I care a lot for…
This is for someone who knows how to make me cry…
This is for someone who puts light in my life…
This is for someone who gives me strength to fight on the battle…
This is for someone who knows how to make me smile…
This is for someone who brings laughter and joy to me…
This is for someone who could make me laugh the entire day…
This is for someone who always reminds me to have my car fixed…
This is for someone whom I love to see before I close my eyes to sleep…
This is for someone who patiently wakes me up as the morning knocks…
This is for someone who smiles at me when I open my eyes first thing in the morning…
This is for someone who picks me up from my house to go to work every morning…
This is for someone who surprises me with a ride going home from a long day of work…
This is for someone who tells me,”you’re worth the risk…”
This is for someone who makes fun of me and himself as well…
This is for someone who says”you and I, that’s linked together”…
This is for someone who gives me confidence when I’m about to lose face…
This is for someone whom I thought was just a far fetched dream…
This is for someone who says “you know that I can’t afford to just look at you from afar and say nothing at all”…
This is for someone whom I never thought I’d fall so madly in love with…
This is for someone who let me eat a whole lot that made me fat…
This is for someone who teases me all the time…
This is for someone I couldn’t imagine my tomorrow without…
This is for someone who’s been one of the biggest considerations on all my decisions…
This is for someone who says beautiful things about me…
This is for someone who makes me melt when he looks into my eyes…
This is for someone who’s the other half of my life…
This is for someone who crashes my heart when he holds my hand…
This is for someone who gives me joyous memories…
This is for someone who gets mad when someone thinks badly about me…
This is for someone who gives me the sweetest lies…
This is for someone who’s damn imperfect but I learned to love perfectly…
This is for someone whom I am growing with…
This is for someone whom I’ll always find reasons to love him and forget all the uncertainties…
This is for someone whom I always miss…
This is for someone who I always share my dreams with…
This is for someone who’s always the reason why I’d wake up or stay awake during unholy hours just to cook food for him…
This is for someone I’d love to grow old with…
This is for someone who’s been my sweetest misery…
This is for someone who’s always to the rescue when my car breaks…
This is for someone who’s facing all odds to keep me in his life…
This is for someone I’d never want to say goodbye to…
This is for someone whom I’d dedicate everything to…
This is for someone who said I was INSENSITIVE when in fact it was him…
This is for someone who thinks always what is good for me…
This is for someone who wants me to think he’s manly by not showing too much emotion when in fact I know when he’s really not…
This is for someone who gives me hope when it’s gone…
This is for someone who I share my adventures…
This is for someone who I share my misadventures…
This is for someone who’s like a yellow sun shining directly to put a glow in my heart…
This is for someone who keeps on breaking and fixing my heart…
This is for someone who gives me all the reasons to make me fall in love with him over and over again…
This is for someone who I patiently wait until everything’s okay again…
This is for someone who has been a part of my everyday life for the past 11months…
This is for someone who has seen me at my worst…
This is for someone who satisfies my cravings in the middle of the night…
This is for someone whom I can live without but living with him is all I want…
This is for someone who’s been my determination to go to work…
This is for someone who never gets tired of my childish temporary insanity attacks…
This is for someone who stands with me through thick and thin…
This is for someone who eats everything and anything I cook for him…
This is for someone who never yelled at me--- ever…
This is for someone who said “I’m breaking inside when you cry”…
This is for someone who prefers to let me know the hurtful truth than make me believe in sweet lies…
This is for someone who let me into his life…
This is for someone whom I let into my life…
This is for someone I always pray to God…
This is for someone whom I wished for from a falling star…
This is for someone who taught me a lot of things in life and love…
This is for someone who gives me the sweetest goodnight kiss…
This is for someone who made me a better person…
This is for someone who believes in what I can and can’t do…
This is for someone who would always stand behind me and put his arms around my waist and his chin on my shoulder…
This is for someone who plays with my hair when it’s worn up…
This is for someone who I always share my food with…
This is for someone who gets bloated and still would love to eat out with me…

This is for someone…
Someone I know I couldn’t call completely mine…
…but someone whom I never had thought of regretting the day I met him and made him a part of me and I as part of him…
THIS IS FOR SOMEONE WHOM I ALWAYS FIND MORE THAN A MILLION WAYS WHY I LOVE HIM THAN WHAT I SHOULD HATE ABOUT HIM MORE AND MORE EACH DAY…

it's not as shallow as it seems baby*

2008-11-25T22:05:00.000-08:00

The past months, weeks and days have been chaotic for me. i've been struggling for a lot of things. to achieve my goals and my happiness. Ahuh i am happy. but sometimes happiness doesn't really mean "i'm fine". so- so....

I am in the middle of contentment and confusion.
I am in deep ecstasy whenever so- so...
I am happy.
I am confused.
I am contented but i knoe there should be a lot more.

"LESS TALK LESS MISTAKE" -- that was when i learned to love my silence.
yeah, it is so deym true but not because you won't hear me bragging about some- things all the time, it means i'd LIE if someone asks me direct to my face...

YOU can tell me to keep my silence and everything i knoe to myself but YOU can never teach me to lie. that's not ME.

Think about this: of all the things i knoe that makes me feel overloaded and uneasy all the time, do you think i am not needing a way to release all the things that makes me feel absurd? Think again…

When I thought I am the one who’s insensitive, and when I thought I could handle and play your kind of game oh so well, guess what baby? I failed.

I knoe very well how you could lie in my face, and in theirs. I knoe very well when you tell me sh*tty stuff and I knoe very well how much could you do to make me, us, or them believe you.

I’ve never been a foe. Bet you knoe that. I’ve been with you on this theatre of war for almost a year now. When everybody thought I exist no more, you chose to make me stay. Why?

I have been searching for a valid answer to compensate all the uncertainties you brought me. I failed. Everybody knoes that. I don’t consider it as my losing phase though but I knoe if only I’d be firm when I say this and that, come what may, I’d get the answer I’ve been aiming to have. Right? Of course, you’d say no.

FRIENDSTER, MULTIPLY, MYSPACE!
Oh what’s soooo wrong about them? Hahahaha… I knoe but prefers to act as if I don’t. I can’t do this, can’t do that. Why? For security and privacy purposes?! Alright, I won’t then. But why can’t the same “rule” is applied for all of us? Am I the only one who’s submissive when it comes to privacy?! Of course not and I knoe that. It’s as simple as they “can…” and I “can’t.” difference?! Obviously because… that’s it! It explains everything.

Whenever I try to speak, whenever I try to say something and voice out when the situation’s getting chaotic again and “we”-re at stake, you’d tell me to TRUST you. You’d try to make me believe that “the situation is not as WEAK as it could be”. Okay, I believe you now. And when I’m gone, you’ll make a way to make me coming back to you. ahuh. You wouldn’t admit it of course, but you see, I am not as INSENSITIVE and dense as I seem to be.

Now, let me tell you this, not because I could be dormant and “seem to be dense” it means that I don’t knoe everything. I am letting you handle the situation and stick on your script because I knoe everything will be better in time.

TRUST you again? It has never been gone. You pretty well knoe that. ^.^

I could let you play the game. I knoe you could play it, it could be right for you but it can never be played perfect, you knoe that for sure. However, I will let you direct everything just let me knoe when I’m getting overexposed.

They say you wouldn’t want to lose me. I don’t knoe if I’ll laugh or cry or get pissed. What am I supposed to feel?

When we’re together, everything seems to be oh so perfect. But if you’ll look in a bigger picture, there comes the uncertainties and the reasons why “we” can never be perfectly happy and why we can’t be free!

This makes no sense. I don’t care.
I just couldn’t care. I need not to care.

I am happy. I am contented. I am in love. I am trying to absorb and still accepting everything.

I KNOW I'LL SEE YOU THERE... ^.^

2008-11-16T04:34:00.000-08:00

Goodbye has never been a happy word. As the song goes, “tell me where’s the good in goodbye”… yeah tell me now…

I only bid goodbye ONCE. For the longest time, it has been my dictum, but then, all of a sudden, everything changed. Now, I can’t utter it even can’t afford to hear it. As if I’m deaf from hearing that word. It’s now an outlawed declaration for me.

I’ve said goodbye many times before to different personas to different façades. It has been easy. No sleepless nights, no guilt feelings, no worries, no negativity at all…

For some reasons, now, goodbye is no longer in my vocabulary. I am like a 5 year old kid, begging my mommy not to go to work or else, I threat her I’ll cry until she comes home. Of course, my mommy won’t afford to leave me in tears, so she’ll leave me with a promise to come home before the night falls.

But I am no longer a kid. I am no longer my mommy’s little darling. I was nourished to be a better person and a young lady. I am a blooming woman who’s trying to win lots of confidence and pride.

For a confused heart, tell me now, where would I get my pride and confidence if I keep on saying goodbye yet after few days, I’d forgive and forget as if nothing happened? Tell me where could I get my courage to smile and persevere for a joyous tomorrow?!

I know my heart isn’t broken, because I know, in this chaotic blues and all the uncertainties along the journey, I know, my heart is happy. It is not alone. I have someone I could spend my days and nights with and I have someone I couldn’t call all mine, but at least, someone’s making it perfectly happy…

Make me believe I am doing the right thing. Make me believe all of these that are happening are not lies. Make me believe if tomorrow is not perfectly okay; the day after tomorrow will be the best, will be mine. I’ll always believe, everything will be fine and there’s a better solitude waiting to be uncovered.

For the longest time, I have been nomadic in the cold dark toll road feeling alone and helpless, but somehow, I gathered again my strength, courage and love that once was drawn. I managed to go all thru this. Crazy as it sounds I know. But I know and I believe, the rainbow has long been drawn before time and I just need to wait for the right time to see it right before my eyes… ^.^

I'M LOOKING ON THE BRIGHTSIDE OF LIFE =)

planner planner planner... awwwww* =(

2008-11-16T02:26:00.000-08:00

okay... blurbing. =)

for few weeks, i haven't opened this... hmmmm... at bakit kaya?! busy?! d din... walang dvd marathon ang ginawa ko. to the point na pati AMERICAN PIE 5 [naked mile] eh iniyakan ko na yata! hahaha =) isa pang bakit?! hahaha sikretong malupit! walang clue! togoinqs!!!

aside from dvd marathon, last week has been an "oh so happy week" or masasabi kong happy rest day nalng?! hehehe... ang daming trip. kahit may mga konteng aberya and delays, okay na din! nag enjoy naman kame!!! w.o.w!!!

and today, eto, matutulog muna ako... pahi pahinga ng konte. hehehe...

owel.. aun lang... =D

just checking my blogsite...

later, baka sipagin ako, maguupdate ako ng mga blogsites ko...

wala nang magawa, wala na kasi sa kin ang MAHIWAGANG PLANNER ko... kaya aun, wala na kong masulatan... pwde kaya dito nalng??? hahahaha... patay tyo jan! mega ultimate world war 3. at syempre, may magttnong "bakit?!"--- the magic forbidden power question... hehehe...

i miss my planner... awwww***

=(

kung nasaan man ung planner ko ngyon:
---sana hnd ka nia pinapabayaan at iniingatan ka nia... hahaha... owel.
...maling wrong move?! togoinqs!!!

later! magbblurb ako... este blog pla! hihi ^.^

nga pla, pahabol:

---sa friends ko sa friendster na dating 751, ngyon 139 nlng dahil sa "temporary maintenance" kuno. at sa love exclusive, 28 nlng yata... so sa mga nawala, pki add nlng po again... thanksnesseses!!!

at! ang bgong number ko..... ooops! pki message or ym nlng ung mga numbers nio, kasi naman, weakling si mawer mown ko!!! aun, ncra ung lcd kaya mega hi-tech ng fown na gamit ko ngyon!!! hehehe.... tsk tsk....

//lovebibit*

i love you mom....

2008-10-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

When you were 8 years

old, your mom handed you an ice

cream. You thanked her by dripping it

all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for

piano lessons. You thanked her by

never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove

you all day, from soccer to football

to one birthday party after another.

You thanked her by jumping out of the

car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took

you and your friends to the movies.

You thanked her by asking to sit in a

different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned

you not to watch certain TV shows. You

thanked her by waiting until she left

the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a

haircut that was becoming. You thanked

her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month

away at summer camp. You thanked her by

forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from

work, looking for a hug. You thanked

her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how

to drive her car. You thanked her by

taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting

an important call. You thanked her by

being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your

high school graduation . You thanked

her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your

college tuition, drove you to campus

carried your bags. You thanked her by

saying good-bye outside the dorm so you

wouldn't be embarrassed in front of

your friends.

When you were 25, she helped to pay

for your wedding, and she cried and

told you how deeply she loved you. You

thanked her by moving halfway across

the country.

When you were 50, she fell ill and

needed you to take care of her. You

thanked her by reading about the

burden parents become to their

children.

...And then, one day, she quietly

died.

And everything you never did came

crashing down like thunder on YOUR

HEART.. &

If you love your MOM & you thank her

deeply...

THANKS MOM!!! =)

oo ikaw yun! para seo toh... tsk tsk

2008-10-10T04:37:00.000-07:00

Schizophrenic --- defined as a person with split personality.
(skit-zo-fre-nik)

Many people posses this kind of personality. They’re definitely way too different than what they seemed to be crowd per crowd.

What is the root cause of this? I honestly don’t knoe. I don’t have any background in psychology. I wish I have tho. But per my opinion, this may have been caused by depression? OBSSESION? Or it may really just been a mental sickness a person possesed since birth?! Owmen. I don’t really knoe… honestly. But whatever it is, I pity those person who posses this kind of personality. huh. just to add, it sometimes leads to SUICIDE!!! togoinqs!!!

deym!

ALONZO WINS, KIMI LOSE.... [S'PORE GRANDPRIX] 28SEPTEMBER2008

2008-09-28T07:46:00.000-07:00

owel... kimi lose... fine fine....

but....
deym!!!!

at first, kimi was doing so good,. [65 laps kimi... you're the man!]

1st massa
2nd hamilton
3rd RAIKKONEN

good job...

it was a close race... naging pang 12th man sya he was able to overtake nakijama who's @ 10th place by then and it made him @ the 9th place...

i can narrate every detail of it but it will make this sobrang haba...

raikkonen was able to make it at the 3d place pero nag pit stop sya and it made him @ 5th place... to make the story short, @ the last 4 laps, nagcrash si kimi so he was OUT!!! deym! and so is the FERRARI TEAM....

c'mon.... =( sad.

demmet!!! buti pla hindi ako nakipag pustahan... tsk tsk...

---owel... whatever happens, KIMI RAIKKONEN'S still the BEST!!!

would you tell me?

2008-09-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

Tell me if this is real. Tell me if my fantasy came true. Tell me if my wish was granted. Tell me now or I’ll just forever trance about you… everything is just so perfect. When I am with you, nothing can be more special. What I feel is out of ordinary. My
Pessimism vanishes and my tears turn into gold. You are my light, my friend, and my feet that walk me through the flap. I feel safe whenever you’re around. Your words always remain in my heart and I’ll never let us fall apart. This is something more than special. This is something I want to last.

You are the melody in my song. For you I’ll let everything happen for no reason at all. Because all the answers to my why’s is nothing but you. I am not a poet, neither Shakespeare’s daughter. I may not be able to put all in words but my love for you has grown into a wonderful world.

I am nobody’s princess and for me you are the princess less prince. You are the knight that’s roofed behind that shining armor I see in the dark and eerie night. You came into my life with nothing but sword and you’ve done so much to protect me from harm and painful acts done by anyone.

You’ve put right my conked out heart. I was nourished and cared for with all your might. I know in words you won’t never let me know what your plans are, but through your actions, believe me, I am flattered how well you’ve worked. I am impressed on how you handled all the glitch. I am pleased on how you’ve shown me how you cared. When things goes wrong and sets out the way it shouldn’t be or would practically might hurt me, I can see the worry sent out through your eyes…

Tell me this is for real. Tell me you won’t again disappear. Tell me I am yours and let me call you mine. Tell me baby, what about us? Tell me I now if I can have you. Tell me there’ll be tomorrow. Tell me we’ll be watching the sun together until dusk. Tell me, oh baby please tell me. You’re the only answer I’d love to have.

Signed
Love Bibit
09026008

let's dance until forever

2008-09-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

I won’t miss you if missing you means I won’t see you again
I’m not going to long for your hugs if longing for it means I won’t feel your warmth
I will never let you kiss me if it’s going to be the goodbye kiss I never want to feel…

What you’ve been to me is far beyond compare
What we’ve shared is something I’m not going to spare
You’re my friend, you’re my man, and you’re someone I will never left behind…

Everything has to happen and I thought we’ll had our end
So glad how you gave me the reason to save it
Happy I am for you never let it be wasted…

For all your efforts I thank you so much
For all the love and your care, oh I love it so much
For what I am and what I’ve been is all because of you…

You’re the only man who exactly knows how to make and break me…

And I oh so love you… (^-*)

HEADLINE

2008-08-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

one liners:

"NO ATTACHMENT INVOLVED"

"THIS MUST BE LOVE!" --- eto ang championship na tumaob sa linya ni miss malayao na when it hurts, its real!!!

pero eto ang panalo na kowtabol kowt ko for the week na bumenta sa sinster sissy ko:

"I ENVY THE WILLPOWER OF ANOREXICS!!!"
---harharhar... oo nga sis! motto itoh ng mga baboi! hahaha... now i knoe why... hehehe... d bale nang mga baboi tyo [boinka ka nga dba!] - at least, HIYANGERS... hnd napapabayaan... wahaha!!!

i missed hanging out with you sissy... ;)

howel mga mapapapel!!!

------------------
I JUST GOT HIRED!!!
love bibit - assist coach [philippine figure skating]
- huwaw!!! one of my dreams since i was 17. hahaha!!! last week, tuesday, i was supposed to meet kate and go to bureau of immigration. we met, but we weren't able to go there. instead, we went to alabang. 1 of the reasons is i received a text message from ms. claire of isi southmall [my homerink], stating that my longtime application as assist coach for skating was CONSIDERED!!! yehey!!!! [*bow* ('.^)]

yesterday, saturday, was my 1st day being an assist coach, i already got 9 students in 2 days --not bad. since i am not spending my entire day @ the rink. men! the ice princess is back... =)

on our way to southmall last tuesday, my pop text me, giving me all his support. when everybody knows how passionate i am with my figure skating.

oh how im loving everything!!!

God's so good to me... i have my family, i have my job [2 jobs @ the same time, like before when we used to teach in a korean tutorial center as tutors for english], i have my friends, and i have my love... =)

what else can i ask for?! =)

yes, im really LUCKY!!! --- you're right!

WORDS WON'T LET ME DOWN

2008-08-20T04:23:00.000-07:00

Everytime I'm feeling good about everything, something comes up and makes me feel awful... Being okay with everything is not really fine with me. Understanding everything is really not that a good idea but sometimes we need to bend the law for the good of everyone. Nobody has the authority to control me. I am an individual and I know when enough must be ENOUGH. It's as easy as ABC to be understood. I've never been dependent to someone ---except to my parents. I am an INDEPENDENT WOMAN and i know my worth.

in short...
I AM NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER PATHETIC WOMAN WHO DEPENDS ON OTHER PEOPLE FOR EVERYTHING. PUTS ASIDE THEIR PRIDE AND SELF RESPECT TO LIVE AND SURVIVE.

i know how to live my life and i know how to live it right.
i know what to believe.
i know what to do.
i know whom to listen to and i know how to understand...

i am mean but only if i have to...

YOU'RE MAKING ME LAUGH TOO HARD.

unsolicited advice

2008-08-17T11:59:00.001-07:00

"Education doesn't have anything to do with LOVE"

we go to school to: learn, have a diploma and gain knowledge...

people fall in love-- it's human nature. Even the most intelligent being becomes stupid because of LOVE. right?! so don't make me LAUGH HARD to tell me that when you're well educated it means that you don't have the right to fall in love and be stupid and crazy in love...

EDUCATION is something associated with our brain.
LOVE is associated with heart. (BIG smile for you *wink* ;D)

but let me voice this out: an EDUCATED person knows his/her limit... an educated person won't demean him/herself for a pathetic and petty situation. The way a person presents him/herself in front of others isn't enough to know if he/she's educated. once a person reacts and speaks, that'll be the time when you'll know if he/she's educated. =) [somehow it makes sense =)] ---learn from it!

once, sometime in June, somebody that's so close to me said: "you can never blame a person if he/she falls in love" --- so true.

FALLING IN LOVE IS NEVER BY CHOICE.
we cannot choose whom to fall in love with. it is by chance.

FALLING OUT OF LOVE IS NEVER BY CHANCE.
we fall out of love by choice. when it's being too much, we always have the option of falling out of love and letting go. it's OUR OWN CHOICE.

LOVE is patient. it is kind. it is not jealous and love doesn't lie. =)

sometimes, it is hard to differentiate LOVE from LIKE from PITY. come to think of it?!

LOVE is never DEMANDING.

"what you don't know can't hurt you" --- my unsolicited advice *wink* (*.^)

2008-08-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

►VIRGO - THE BEST SEXUAL PARTNER (8/23-9/22) Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it.Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.

i'll be your baby tonight

2008-08-15T01:05:00.000-07:00

what im hating lately is i can't put an entry on my own blog 'bout whatever i want. feels like i don't have my freedom. darn. it's not okay but since i am such an obedient little baby princess, fine. i have to obey by the law. hahaha...

the day isn't over yet. it's just 4:15pm and i am in my room alone with my dear sofia. ;)

i didn't get enough sleep last night. now im so sleepy and earlier @ work i was so pre occupied taking care of things that needs to be done. making follow ups. going back and forth to h.r dept, going to tl and all... but i managed to sneak a little nap when it was petix time ;)

after werk, i went to festival mall to meet my sinster sissy dbyne and bok jaytot. before meeting them, i dropped by @ puma to check on the ferrari jacket that im oh so lovin' to buy. it's gone. darn.but i can't forget how funny and heart warming at the same time that the staff @ puma arleady recognizes me by face because we keep on checking what are the new ferrari stuff that has just arrived every now and then and because of the ferrari stuff i bought last month that i was so excited when we bought it they even asked me how was it... the staff were all greeting at me as i walked into the store. they even asked me why i am alone today and told me that they have my number and they'll text me if in case new jackets arrived.

from puma, i went to bench, where my sissy and bok were. we went to seattle's best to bum and have a little fun... oh how i miss my oh so lovin' bok and sissy. ;)

from festival mall, i went home. tired. and now, here i am blurbing----oooops. i mean blogging for the nth time. ;-)

good laugh and adventure

2008-08-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

“I won’t aim to just have the last laugh… I’d aim for the hardest laugh for the funniest reason” =) ----kowtabol kowt of the day from Kristine! Haha!!!

-----SEVEN 2se7n pm. Just got home from a friend’s place… it has been a long off for me. Got a lot of adventures with a girl friend yesterday. Around 10 in the morning of 13Aug08, we left our friend’s house and went to q.c, from q.c, we went to MR. KABAB [mmmmm….soooooo yummy!!!] to have our lunch. Create piggy baby na naman kme as always… we left my ever favorite place to dine @ around 1:30pm then we went somewhere near manila hotel to do some stuff [the main purpose of our itin]. From there we then went to bureau of immigration then we went to carriedo!!! Hahahaha… we roam around and visit some places to look for cheap shots…. Before going home, to our friend’s house, we went to Jollibee to have our planned surprise dinner for our 3 little alagas… harhar… @ the guard house, we asked the guard to have the food we bought delivered to our friend’s house to surprise them… hahaha… the surprise Jollibee dinner was so much fun and I guess everybody enjoyed it!!! --- Then we’re all puffy!!! After having our dinner, me and 2 of my girl friends went inside the room for some gossips… hahaha… you knoe, some girly stuff while others were @ the living room playing and having fun their own stuff. After the little chika chika with my girl friends, I then went out the house and other friends were there, they taught me how to ride the “motor!!!” weeeeee!!!! Finally—I learned! Yehey!!!! =) I’m a fast learner you knoe… hahaha!!! I was amazed. So after learning, me and my friend stroll around the subdivision until we all got tired and went home to sleep. Hihi*

Yeah, eating has been our bestfriend--- ever! Men! When I woke up this morning, one of our friends cooked “noodles” for bfast! Oh, yeah, it was really a surprise!!! And I was so happy eating my bfast! It was yummy and not just because it was yummy, also, I appreciate the effort. Hehehe… thank you =)
Just like about 2hrs after having our bfast, some other friends dropped by the house then we went out to eat SILOG! He… he… he… yes! We had SILOG for lunch. ---then again… POOF! We’re stuffed. Then we went home, we slept and woke up @ around SE7EN. Harhar. So I went home.

When I got home, mom was there. Then I had my dinner and make chika chika with mom. Hehehe…

Ohhh…. What a sooooo long rest day for me. Tomorrow, I’ll be back to werk. Harhar.

FOOLISHNESS* [tagged with the word pathetic] ;-)

2008-08-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

Funny how the world goes on… everything and everyone’s getting crazy and I can’t help but laugh my heart out… People are making fool out of themselves… making everything turn out to be just right when it’s actually not. PRETENDERS. Oh yes! What a great pretender… If only these people can see themselves on the mirror… owmen! Sick.

None of my business I knoe… but, come on. Who won’t laugh when people are trying to convince themselves and embrace stupidity?! Harharhar. Owel. Kamon mamon.

"do you enjoi watching this really great show? so entertaining... right?! do you agree, do you agree?!?!?! hihihi*" ---oh how i'm loving it!

REVEALED!!!

2008-08-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

Another day for me.
Another crazy day.
Another chaotic day…
Chaotic that’s so much fun!!!

Since 12mn I am smiling and laughing and smiling and laughing. Happy?!!! Ahuh ahuh…. Huway??? Tsk tsk… ;-D

Sometimes, I need to behave myself and shhhhhh. Shut up.

COMMITMENT (created 03august2008)

2008-08-04T02:21:00.000-07:00

I miss reading books. Before I went to work today, I grabbed the book my sister Dbyne lend me, and I’m planning to buy the same book to add in my little library--- YOUNGBLOOD. There’s this one short article in the book that we keep on reading. Very nice and sensible…. I would like to share this, it exactly describes ME?! Hahaha…. Owel, that’s what they say… I personally strongly agree…

This is entitled COMMITMENT by Lotis B. Soriano. Let me quote her on some lines written in the article…

“I want us to go on living the way we used to before we came into each other’s life. I don’t want a relationship that is limited by dos and don’ts. I don’t need someone to look after me or tell me what is right and wrong. I am old enough and I know those things. I want to share my life with somebody, not give it to him.”

--- The last part of this is sooooo me. If you’re in a relationship, remember that you can never give your life to that person. As what I always say, it’s way too impossible to happen. And don’t expect your partner to do the same.

“Now, I have realized that commitment is necessary in a relationship. It is not because it will give me the right or the authority to tell a person what I want to happen. It is because commitment makes me feel certain that whatever we share is going to lead us somewhere. It’s a nice feeling to enjoy being with somebody not because of who or what he is but because you can’t think of yourself in another place with another person. But a relationship goes deeper than that. And that is where commitment comes in.”

---Exactly. Not because he or she’s your boyfriend or girlfriend, it means that you have the right to dictate what or what’s not to do. That’s absurd. Everything must come naturally and not because that is how you want it to be.

“I may be wrong, but I firmly believe that love shouldn’t b limiting. It must allow the person involved to be who they are and to go on with their lives. One only needs to change if it is his/her choice. Nobody must assume a personality that is not his/her just because it is what the other wants him/her to be. If this happens, one must tell his love one to start looking for that person”

---See, everything I used to tell you guys are here. Now, do you agree with me?! Sabi nga ni Van, “ayoko maging tuko na laging kumakapit, may sarili kaming buhay.” --- thanks Van. ;-) and to add on that, it’s sooooo unhealthy. You need to pull each other up not go with the flow nor let your partner fall down just because you’re feeling down. Darn.

“I have learned not to expect anything from my partner, I realized that too many expectations will only lead to many disappointments since we don’t have the same frame of mind. I respect him and I am aware that he is a different person. I’ll continue giving as long as I can, but when I don’t feel like doing it anymore, I’ll stop. Love is not something one asks for. It is something freely given. Enough of the ideal man or woman. No matter how hard we look, we will never find him/her.”

---We can actually be sometimes idealistic--- I know I am, thus, never forget to be realistic. Learn to have the balance of both.

Sometimes, we are blinded with lies and false hopes. Been there done that--- a very looong time ago. But now, I am a fool no more. ;-) As what my Twinie’s message to me goes: what would you choose? A relationship that lasts but full of selfishness and lies or a relationship that didn’t last because of just about truth? Think about it…

I am full of love and being loved sooo much. I don’t need to elaborate that but as what I always say and how the song goes: I WANT THE TRUTH TO BE MINE.

The sentiments of this entry is for my sissies, Dbyne and Debz. Harharhar…. Remember those days?! ;-) Imissyou sissies….

03august2008

2008-08-04T02:15:00.000-07:00

How my day was….

I went to work… as usual, I was late. It was raining and had to take a jeep… no Felix for me yet. Darn. I miss my lovable Felix. Oh how I love him!!! Anyway, today, unlike those other days, I feel so happy and hyper. I didn’t sleep during work today. Hahaha…. What an achievement. Lol. We had our system down and tho ‘twas a bit queuing, I didn’t get tired of assisting our customers. Maybe I had too much kitkat and butterfinger and babyruth and snickers and kisses. Hihi* also, I had 2 bags of popcorn today. Create PIG?! Ahuh. I’m so bloated. Owel. Who cares? Eating is one of the most lovable stuff to do. Right?!

After work, I went to Festival mall to see my friend. Went to Safari and had couple of beers. Toinks. What a healthy lifestyle I have. But it’s alright, I’m not drunk. We didn’t drink too much, just enough to share stories of how our days have been for the past three or four days we didn’t see each other.

Then I went home. Tired. As soon as I entered the house, I saw my mom in front of the computer and kissed her, then I ate again. EATING IS FUN!!! ;-)

So now, I’m here, facing Sofia, my ever beloved and loyal notebook… BLURBING… oooops. I mean, blogging. Lol.

i love it when it's raining!!!

2008-07-31T06:12:00.000-07:00

the day is almost over. and as what i always expect, today is a new and different day. :)
i started my day right. i woke up with a smile on my face and in my heart. i woke up with a humming melody...when i opened my eyes, i saw a very beautiful creation of God. :)

it's rainy. i love rainy days. it gives me relaxation...i'm off from work today. thursday and friday are my NO.WORK.NO.STRESS.DAY.
i was able to ponder and recall all the good things that happened to me and is happening in my life...

feu won over admu. just sharing.
UST won as well... GO USTE!!! --- pure blood THOMASIAN. harharhar.

my day was almost perfect and good. just had a little glitch but still i managed to smile and take it lightly.

i hate arguements and i hate it when some things happen because something simply has its CONSTANT SICKNESS. darn.

after that "little glitch", i'm okay again and smiled and laughed. :)

what the heck.

the day is almost over but i am still wide awake and happy--- simply because i know, i lived my day right. :)

work hard. party harder. life is a BIG party.

2008-07-31T06:05:00.001-07:00

Everyday is a learning process for each one of us… sometimes we do something we thought would be for better but in the end it would turn out to be for the worst. Sometimes we would do something we don’t want to just to please somebody or because it is the right thing to do and no matter how we hate doing it, we would realize in the end that we did a GOOD JOB!

Life is confusing and sometimes we have to make several run around then finally we would find out that we’ve just overlooked the way out and we should have tried going on that road--- a bit early I guess…

Everyday’s not a good day for everyone but every waking up day is God’s gift to us that we must treasure, cherish and enjoy.

I don’t easily get impress or envy people who has lots of material things… I’ve been there. I used to be my pop’s little princess and though we’re not overwhelming with money, I can definitely say that EVERYTHING I asked for were given to me. Sky’s the limit. I have experienced to have everything I want and God gave me a happy family. Supportive parents and I am well provided with everything that I don’t just need as well as what I want. In short, I am my pop’s BRAT slash PRINCESS slash BABYGIRL.

Having everything you want isn’t easy. Sometimes, we need to experience loss and pain for us to learn and sometimes, we learn things in a hard way. BEEN THERE DONE THAT.

Whatever happens and wherever life leads us, only one thing matters, HOW YOU’VE BEEN AS A PERSON?! --- if I am to answer that question, I’d say that at this point of time, I’m already living my life to the fullest. I have some regrets but still I manage to live my life in a positive way and I’m keeping everything in balance. I learned to let go of the attitude of having TOO MUCH of everything and learned to live the kind of life where I could share everything to others and give my best in everything…

I love people. I love my family. I love my friends and I love my enemies--- I don’t personally have one. People around me help me realize the beauty of life. My family gives me strength and courage to go on and keep on moving forward. My friends, my shadow in the dark, my constant companions, the people whom I can share my woes and happiness the people who makes me feel loved when I am at the downfall of life. The enemies, the people who hate me just because this is me and the fact that they can never be like me. People who are trying to fake every detail in me and try to make me fall but they know inside, its way too impossible to happen. I don’t know what I did to make them hate me.

Every person is different and we have to face it. I am unique and so are you. No need to neither envy me nor be jealous. By just being yourself, you can be a good person. I am not saying here that I am PERFECT. I am not. If only you know how many pits I had to go thru to be where I am at right now. I still have lots of dreams and hopes to fulfill and so many passions to push thru.
There were lots of times when I needed to give up something for something. Life is a gamble. If you don’t know how to play it right and confidently, you won’t go anywhere but there, where you are right now. Life is a big party, we need to have fun and enjoy it to maintain the balance our life needs. Life is a cycle and we need to learn in every phase we go thru and see the mistakes we’ve committed in a positive way.

Sometimes, letting go is healthy most especially when we have no other way out and when we have completely lost ourselves. But if you know how to play it perfectly right, when you know how to dance on its tune, and then keep on dancing keep on playing.

Thus, after making it thru all the storms that passed, LETTING GO is no longer in my vocabulary I guess. I learned how to keep things I want, I need and I love in my life. I know how to handle things right. People sometimes think that it’s crazy to have it all but actually it is not. Balance is all you need in life. Yes, too much of everything is bad. Too little of something makes one weak. Try to keep everything in balance then you’ll feel good and fine.

I used to be so sick of everything, but now, I am no longer ill hearted. I just have this certain “A” for attitude on everything.

After so many mistakes, so many tears, so many wrong turns, everything’s fine and I know everything will be okay. No more tears to shed. No more sleepless nights. No more sad stories.

Everyday is a learning process and I know, I am perfectly okay now…

ANSWERED PRAYER ;)

2008-07-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

finally the long wait is over... for the past months, i've been blogging and whining about something that i can't understand... you won't see those blog entries here, it's on another blog account. [private blog]

for quite a long time, i've entrusted almost everything to a person...
my trust, love, faith, attention, commitment, almost all --- without demands and expectations...
we've experienced all bliss...

along the way, i felt something went wrong...
i don't know what it is, but i can sense that something's not right and im totally clueless and i dont knoe where to start in searching for the answer.

all i did is pray and still trust and had faith that everything will be alright. i cried pales of tears and spent lots of sleepless nights. cradled myself in tears to sleep.been so down and broken.
ohhh... so pathetic. darn*

despite the pain, i chose to keep my silence and embrace the pain that the situation and happenings caused me.

i was even @ the point of letting go of everything... the feelings, the person, the mems --- so i can free myself from pain. but, if i'll let go, "will i be happy?!"

my friends have different point of views:
1st: let go and move on
2nd: just hold on...

im totally torn. i didn't knoe what should i do when it's me that's being killed softly with pain.

the only thing that kept me holding on is my TRUST. i didn't rush to hear the answers and explanation. i knoe, i God's time, i'm going to have them. in the right time, in the right moment.

i never have imagined and thought that i'd love a person so much--- such as the love i have right now. this is a special gift from God.

-------------------
last night, he gave me ALL the things i've been longing to hear. i can say it's the ABSOLUTE TRUTH. no lies. as what i always say, LET'S ALWAYS BE HONEST AND OPEN TO ONE ANOTHER. he gave me the explanation, exactly how i was wishing him to say it... it was the perfect timing. perfect moment. everything was just so perfect.

even if the picture isn't sooo perfect, the person is all worth it...

IF I LET GO long before time, i guess, i won't have the happiness and peace of mind he gave me last night...

as what i always say: THAT PERSON WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY TRUST, LOVE, AND FAITH always ;)

my ANSWERED PRAYER ;)

thank you lord... THANK YOU GOD ;)

---love

make up and break up

2008-06-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

"...goodbye my almost lover,goodbye my hopeless dreams,im trying not to think about you,can't you just let me be?,so long my luckless romance,my back is turn on you,i should've known when you'd bring me heartache,almost lover always do..."
---shoutout from friendster....

*lately, i've been hearing about broken marriages, failing relationships and those that finally came to an end... im not one of those and not planning to be counted, just to make everything clear... ;)

just last month, one of my cousins got married--- i'm so happy for her and praying that their marriage will last. but unlike joan's fairy tale that has a HAPPILY EVER AFTER ending, some of my friends who happens to be so close to me were experiencing different dilemmas about their relationships....

this blog isn't meant to embarrass them or make them look stupid or whatever. just to share some thoughts...

friend#1:

she had a 4 or 5 yr relationship which came to a tragic end... they broke up few months ago... they used to be a picture of a perfect couple. like everyone thought they'll end up together as man and wife. along the way, something happened, maybe the "magic" finally fade away. she's one of my closest friends and we used to share the same sentiments... i feel sad for her. everytime i catch her online, i would always ask her the most stupid question "mare, how's everything? kmusta kna?!", and syempre alangan namang sabihin nya araw araw that she's not okay. she would always tell me "okay naman". of course i know she's not okay tho, still i'd ask her that same question everyday... she's not the nagger type neither the jealous type, but i don't know what went wrong... maybe the perfectness of the relationship caused their breakup... ---pardon me, i know wala ako sa lugar to judge what's the real cause....

friend #2:

she's my friend for like years now... her son is my godson. this friend had like more than a 6yr relationship with the father of her son... but just a couple of days ago, she surprised me with a text message that says: mare, wala na kme ni ----, it's official. i know she's going through a lot of hardships and coping up nowadays... they have a 1yr old son and they've been together for the longest time---since she was in college. this week she's relocating---forcely relocating near my area for good... i know it's her choice for the best.

friend #3:

she's miss hindi papatalo. she's one of my friends who's always mad and we call her miss insecure. asking why?! she and this boyfriend have been together for also----years and counting. but it's been a cycle.... they're the typical on/off relationship which obviously---it's going nowhere... they wanna keep the relationship even if both of them knows that it's not gonna work anymore---pinipilit pa ang hindi na pwede. my girl friend is always the miss madaldal and miss matanong. always wants an answer for everything and if she fails to hear what she wants to hear, no doubt, trouble na ung next... i am not being too pakilamera sa relationship nila---- with consent naman toh....

----------------------------

those were just 3 examples of a lot of people na kilala kong kung anu anong pinagdadaanan nowadays... lately, me and 2 of my friends are playing like psychs[the course that i really want!!!] we've been analyzing this plague or epidemic or whatever you wanna call it... why some relationships fails...the cause, the factors, the reasons.... whatever.

i want to share this to you, earlier, i was in a conversation with one of my friends, she's a psych student from one of the colleges along taft ave, manila... i wanna quote her on this: "sobrang important ng RESPECT sa isang relationship to last other than LOVE AND TRUST. parang domino effect yang love, trust and respect. pag nawala ang isa pilay na ung relationship". ---which i strongly agrees...

just last night, i was with a friend... take note, she's one of my confindante, my sister, my enemy, my friend... yeah, she's in a relationship right now and for countless times, she caught her partner cheating on her... last night she's telling me---one wrong move, he's dead. of course she's not gonna kill him literally, but she came to her END POINT. she's suspecting the guy having another "new" career... she has forgiven him a lot of times but it has been a cycle. but as what i always tell her: "kahit anong gawin nyang panloloko o pano ka nya lokohin, wag na wag mong mumurahin o sisigawan". obviously, may love pa din sila sa isa't isa pero hindi na yun enough to sustain the relationship that they tried to take care of for the longest time. madaming factors yan... kung bakit nanloloko o nambababae ang guys---only them knows the answer. mahirap magjudge.

based on my guy friends' point of view:

---man hates it when his girl is the clingy type. nakakasakal din daw kapag sobrang selosa ng girl or nagger.

per my opinion, yeah, they have a point. actually sobrang tama kasi same applies to girls. it's irritating pag sobrang seloso ng boyfriend mo. i'd prefer to have a relationship na moderate lang sa lahat ng bagay. sabi nga lahat ng sobra masama. my friend had a boyfriend before na sobra kung mkapag check ng celphone. laging tamang hinala. pero pag ung girl ung nagtanong mainit pa sa apoy ang ulo. kahit simpleng tanong lang. so she'd rather keep quiet na lng pra walang problema. pero mali din kasi umaabuso. after years of observation, i've been blogging about this since last year, here's:

THE top three main ingredients of a relationship:

1. TRUST

2. LOVE

3. RESPECT

trust---kasi may security. secured ka na kahit malayo sya, ikaw lang.

love---of course sino ba namang idyota ang papasok sa relasyon ng walang love.

respect---meaning, lahat ng bagay about your partner, whether it's his family, friends, stuff, feelings, dapat may respeto ka.... pinaka importante toh... pag once nang nawala ang respect... believe me, little by little magffade na din ung love and mawawala ung magic. oo masarap ung idea at feeling na in love ka, but take note of these things. so that when you love,hindi ka makakasakal. hindi ka makakasakit. hindi ka mawawalan ng respeto. alam mo kung anong tama---saan ka dapat lumugar. ;)

i don't know if this blog makes sense...alam ko hindi gnon ka organize ung thoughts... pero nilagay ko lang ung nasa isip ko...

;)

hugs and kisses***

2008-06-23T01:20:00.000-07:00

*have nothing to say actually.... just want to send a SMILE to everybody today!!! thanks thanks!!! ;)

luvyah guys!!!

---love

jotting down some thoughts...

2008-06-18T21:13:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i created my last entry here... i've been quite busy with some things.... you know ;)

after posting my entry entitled: LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR DRAMA, i tried to continuously reconstruct myself and be happy with the way it is. yes, i know, life isn't perfect, and life isn't always a bed of roses, as what they say, roses have thorns! i'm coping with the changes and adjusting with the new way of living...

it has never been that easy but at least i'm trying to be @ my best in everything! i've learned to appreciate the value of having a complete family, i realized that there's a thin line between friendly friends than my TRUE FRIENDS, and i've learned to love that special someone in the most amazing way i can--- i'm even surprised with myself! i won't go into details but forgiveness, acceptance, trust and faith is very important to me. and now, prayer is my BEST WEAPON.

this entry is not all about my so called love life, nevertheless, i want to share this important thought:

-----love comes @ the most unexpected time. when you fall in love, it isn't by choice, it is by fate.
God won't put you into that situation if there's just no reason at all, you just need to find out what it is.
from the past relationships, i've been cheated a lot of times, i have forgiven them but i never recon my relationships with them. i have learned to let go...painful as it is, but the joy of being worry free and gaining back the old me is more than worth the sacrifice. just for the record i had an almost 4yr relationship,i thought of holding on but the pain's just not worth it. if he loved me, he won't cheat, he won't lie, he won't deny me. and now, i'm finally happy with what i have... i found happiness!!!
it's true, when God closes the door, He opens the window. ;)

never say sorry for loving someone, for it's fate's decree.
don't let someone fall inlove with you if loving him/her back is just way out of your league.

-----loving someone doesn't mean that we have the right to own them. when you're in love, it doesn't mean you need and have to be together 24/7. you have to live your own lives. love never dies if it's real and despite of the distance, as long as you believe, as long as you trust each other, nothing can come in between.
people stays together b/c despite of their independence from each other, it's their choice to stay with each other because there's no other place in this world that can be any happier than knowing that they have one another. ;)

---now, i think my prayer's answered.

i am happy... happy being this way. staying this way. thank you. ;)

....love comes at the most unexpected time!!!

life is too short for drama...

2008-06-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

for the past weeks, thoughts about my future, my life, how i've been as a person, as a daughter, as a friend, has been a "real" issue to me. i tried to reflect on the things that happened and that's happening with the retionships i have with the people around me. pretty well, i guess... i tried to renew my relationship with God, which i admitedly have not taken good care of, with my friends whom i've unconciously neglected and with my family whom i unintentionally took for granted.

i am trying to regather the missing pieces of me which i've lost along my life's journey. i am trying to be the "old me" that people around me loved. the old LOVE that my pop and mom refers to as "BABY KO". the LOVE that my cousins call "LABLAB" when we were younger. the LOVE that never hesitates to help her friends. the LOVE that everybody have loved.

i know i've done a lot of mistakes. i know one way or another, i've hurt the people so dear to me. thus, with all my courage and perseverance, i know, everything will be fine.

for the people i've hurt--- im sorry.
for the people that i've done wrong--- i hope you can find a soft spot in your heart for forgiveness.

i love my life. and i love the way im living it. =)

life is too short for drama!!!

THiS iS My POP =)

2008-05-26T06:50:00.001-07:00

+ my all time favorite superhero!

+ my no. 1 fan =)

+ the man behind everything....

my POP!!! =)

try to think about it....

2008-05-26T05:59:00.001-07:00

[[[if you don't correct them when they upset you... they will never learn how to treat you with respect...]]]

[[[when you cheat, do it on paper, not on your partner]]]

[[[it's harmless to be with the person who has that special spark for you... laugh around, flirt a little... after all, there's no commitment involved... it's actually fun if fun is really you're after... but believe me, it gets confusing in the long run and you'll just sit in a corner wondering... is this all?]]]

[[[love is not finding someone to go to bed with... but finding someone you want to wake up with in the morning]]]

[[[true love covers the eyes to see no wrong. it darkens reason to consider situation.it loves more when it hurts much and it's still true even to the point of letting go...]]]

<<>>

[[[falling in love is never a choice, it is by chance. falling out of love is never by chance, it is by choice...]]]

[[[a proven truth: the more you show the person you love that you can't live without him.... the more reasons you're giving him to take you for granted]]]

i miss you

2008-05-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

when i miss you,you know what i do?
i close my eyes and feel the beat of my heart as it beats for you...

when i miss you, you know what i do?
i hug a pillow, and as if i'm hugging you...

when i miss you, you know what i do?
i pray to God and ask Him to give me more love for you...

when i miss you, you know what i do?
i sing the song you used to sing when i'm with you...

when i miss you, you know what i do?
i talk to God, and tell Him the things i like about you...

when i miss you, you know what i do?
i feel the breeze as it touches my face and think the warmth of your embrace...

when i miss you you know what i do?
i go to places we've been and cherish the memories i've shared with you...

when i miss you, you know what i do?
...nothing...

because in my heart, i know, i just can't stop missing you...

FaCtS...

2008-05-23T05:39:00.001-07:00

1. i've been calling myself MS. MICHELIN for weeks now.
2. i didn't cook for the last 6 weeks until last night.
3. i didn't eat adobo for the past 5 weeks and 5 days until 3 days ago.
4. out of boredom, i was able to troubleshoot my notebook--finally it's working now!
5. i wore green for 5 days straight last week.
6. i went to starbucks 2 weeks ago, i ordered MOCHA FRAP which i rarely do and finally, they
got the right spelling of KIMI [no longer JIMMY!] =)
7. i got disappointed when they removed the MICHELIN billboard in slex.
8. remembering the mems we had makes me smile.
9. i was really happy last friday when MR. MICHELIN picked me up from my house.
10. i think MR. MICHELIN looks really good when he's fat.
11. ...MR. MICHELIN'S not fat, he's just BIG BONED... harharhar...
12. i've been waiting for 06june since 12april.
13. i realized, i am still capable of loving somebody despite of the odds.
14. just the thought of 06june is just few days away gives me the courage to go to work
everyday.
15. i became more patient.
16. i became more understanding.
17. i became more considerate with others.
18. im excited with our post summer escapade =)
19. i miss BETTY BOOP.
20. and most of all... i miss MR. MICHELIN.

2 weeks notice =)

2008-05-23T05:10:00.000-07:00

the day's almost over =)
after tonight, it will be 13 days to go and i'll see him again!
see, 2mos. isn't that long..

nothing has changed. =)

MeMs.... =)

2008-05-22T12:11:00.001-07:00

what i miss:

1. hearing the alarm for the 3:30am wake up call.
2. repeatedly calling you until it's 4:30.
3. being bothered if you'll make it on time for work.
4. ask if you had your bfast.
5. ask for the time of your break.
6. the packed lunch =) that made you FAT.
7. the last break... the only break that we have at the same time.
8. michelin billboard.
9. the corny jokes.
10. the 6:30pm text from you--- which used to be daily.
11. the memorable spots.
12. when you sang QUANDO QUANDO with all your heart.
13. the long drives.
14. the people we get to see who were riding in motorcycles =)
15. taking pictures of you when you're sleeping.
16. silhouette =P
17. BETTY BOOP
18. calls that surprised me.
19. hearing that 'voice'.
20. just the mere fact that i can't see you and i have to wait until those times happen again...

yes, im an EMO... so?!

2008-05-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

ever felt like screaming? -----just laugh your heart out
ever felt like crying? -----just smile as if nothing happened
ever felt like dying? -----just go on with your life, live it to the fullest
ever been betrayed? -----it's okay, they'll have their karma
did somebody lied to you? -----pretend as if you believe him, as if you know
nothing

hiding what you really feel is hard...
tell me, if you'll show how you really feel, would it make a difference?
when you tried to ignore that feeling...
when you tried to keep your sanity...
when almost everything you've saved for yourslef was taken away...

....what else can you do? where would you start?
....when all the people around you knows everything's fine.
....when they begin to ask you questions, and you just don't know what to say?!

look, i am not the suicidal type or the psycho tootoot.... that's just so pathetic.

i am just trying to speak for my heart... yeah. i thought i don't have it, but surprisingly, i have =)

after those hardships and pains i've experienced from the past relationships
...thought i'm strong enough.

i was MS. TOUGHIE...

but now... i don't know.
is it because he or whoever out there, thinks that i am that "toughie toughie girl", he or whoever out there can take me for granted??? i don't know. i am not blaming him or whoever out there... it's just that how he or whoever out there makes me feel sometimes...

i know it's my choice... no need to ask why... =)

per momy arisse: "when it coes it comes..."

per divina gracia: "when it hurts, it's real"

and per ms. michelin: "WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN'T HURT YOU"

and that's the KOWTABOL KOWT of the lukrita sissies...

i know this entry's not being serious anymore... haha... i don't care.
i know i am not making sense here again... hard to explain. i even don't knoe why am i writing this..or i just miss being the lit and features editor?! haha =)maybe i just miss writing. weeee.. excuses.

i want to go but i don't want to let go. i know there's a reason for everything. God wont put me on this situation for nothing. either He wants me to learn more or this is His blessing?! wow. an answered prayer?! =) why not?! haha.

whatever the people around us say, i know more than they know... and that i know how to trust him or whoever out there. i may not know him or whoever out there that much, but i still believe that all the things he or whoever out there have showed me, it's REAL, he's REAL. and i don't have to pretend about anything to him or whoever out there =) he or whoever out there might not knoe these things but it's okay. i don't need him or whoever out there to read this... i just want to release my so-called 'temporary insanity' =P tomorrow i'll be fine.... hehe

2008-05-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

From LYRICSMODE.COM lyrics archive

Song lyrics |

miss. michelin

pardon me guys =)

2008-05-22T04:49:00.000-07:00

ako na jologs....sorry =) hehe

finally =)

2008-05-22T03:35:00.000-07:00

guys, ndelete ko na ung 3 other friendster accounts ko [love i, love ii and love iv], thanks!

my new addy: princesa.agape@yahoo.com

for those who were asking WHY i deleted those account.... para isa nalang iccheck ko...hnd na hasel?! hihi

for those whow were asking why i also changed my EMAIL??? for an obvious reason....
i am no longer PKAY's pretty maldita.... matagal na....o pwde, wala nang kunwaring msshock?!hihi

ngyon lang tlga ako nagka time na ayusin and magdelete...sorry... hehe =)

thanks thanks guys!!! =)

mwamwa***

singing my heart out =)

2008-05-22T03:11:00.000-07:00

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you...
And the way you look tonight.

Yes you're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fear apart...
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
It touches my foolish heart.

Lovely ... Never, ever change.
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it ?
'Cause I love you ...

Just the way you look tonight.

Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,
Just the way you look to-night.

NeW bLeSsiNg =)

2008-05-18T04:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, one of the closest people in my heart got married!
Joan, who’s been my friend, one of my confidante and cousin was married to Ron. Her boyfriend for months until yesterday he became her hubby… Joan and I have known each other since we were in grade school. We’ve shared a lot of dreams together, laughter and tears. I’ve seen her bloom into a beautiful young lady and witnessed as she became Mrs. Johanna Mae Y. Olivarez.

Finally cousin, this is it!!!

The nuptial rite was peaceful and emotional at the same time… everybody was happy to see these two people become one. They received two blessings from God. The blessing for their marriage and a blessing of life… I hope and pray that the marriage of this couple will last…

(Corinthians 13)
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick- tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

bored. as i've always been =)

2008-02-16T21:06:00.000-08:00

sensitivity has been a BIG deal to me for the past weeks... [really now]

i think i've been too insensitive. yeah, just realized. bear with me.
i've always been the princess. the only one.

Not until i came out of the 'real world'. a lot of people offered to hold my hand and promised not to let go. i gave my trust. i loved. i fell. i stumbled. i cried.
ive been thru a lot.i mean A LOT. like you wont imagine.crap!

the problem:
i used to...
TRUST people easily.
LOVE whole heartedly.
CARE so much.

BETRAYAL changed me/maybe at some point.

i'm trying to be as insensitive as i can be so that nobody can hurt me.

but i guess i'm not a good actress. i can't pretend that i don't love, i dont care and i don't trust these people around me.

the truth:
i cry a lot without you knowing.
im falling for somebody without letting him know [there you go...]
i care for everybody around me
i pretend to be INSENSITIVE tho im not
im clumsy
im childish
i trust easily
i forgive without hesitations
i laugh my heart out at silly things
i miss everything...

i love living my life.
i love giving love.

i may act as if i don't care.
but my eyes will show you the real feelings i have inside.

i dont know.

im still a kid at heart.so pure, so true.

and i am not INSENSITIVE =)

....only if people have the guts to tell me how they also feel..

.senseless.

2008-02-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

How many times does one’s heart need to be broken before it expires??? Or should I say before it realizes that it’s over used??? Why does it feel so much pain on the pettiest thing? Or the heart is just the most over reacting part of our body system??? According to one of my favorite writers, "it only functions to supply blood to our body!" ahuh. So yeah… why does when someone gets hurt, that someone always blames the heart? The HEART that only supplies blood. Tsk tsk… too bad.
I sometimes wonder what part of our body system must be blamed for the pain. If it’s not the heart then who’s the culprit?
Have you ever felt that kind of emotion when you feel so low, when you can’t just breathe because of the pain? Because of the situation you are at the moment? If it’s not the heart, then why does it make your heart beat faster and faster and why can’t you even breathe? As if something is keeping your heart from normally beating. It’s soooo abnormal! Yeah, that’s abnormality.
I don’t know where I’m coming from right now. Maybe this is just "a product of boredom".
Does somebody know where the pain comes from?
And another question that just popped up my mind, if pain does not come from the heart, does it mean that happiness, love, passion, affection and all those good stuff that we feel doesn’t also comes from the heart? Where does it come from then? Is it from the mouth? Throat? Eyes? Elbow? Palm? That’s crazy, isn’t it? I know.
Now tell me, where does emotion comes from? Why do we say "I love you from the bottom of my heart!" w.o.w! so does it mean that we can literally feel the bottom of our heart and that is where the so- called ‘emotion’ comes from? Wtf. So it’s not the entire heart to be blame. We shouldn’t say "I’m going to give you my whole heart" or use the phrase "whole heartedly" we must just say "I’ll love you with all the bottom of my heart." Crazy.
I don’t know now.
I’m done.

twisted 2

2008-01-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

not because you see the smile i drew this morning on my face it means i'm happy.
sometimes it's better to pretend that i'm happy and hide the confusion i feel than let you know i'm twisted and hear you say "so?" =)

whatever.... just felt like saying it.... AS IF???

like whatever.

feels like i need more coffee.... *heart beats faster and faster*
this is crazy. and i'm clumsy. and i know why. but i don't wanna know why. oooopppps..
maybe what i mean is, i don't want to entertain the reason why....

why?

i don't know.

i just wanna play on the safe side as i've always been. i gave hints. that's enough.
numb but not dumb*

read between the lines.

crap.
why not make it straight to the point???
no.... don't rush things.
if its meant to be, then poof! =)

senseless. i know.
i hate it. i just do.

pointless....useless....

EFFORT?! duh. AS IF?!

cLumSy

2008-01-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Baby)
Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Baby)
Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Baby)
Girl can't help it.

The first time, that I saw your eyes
Boy you looked right through me, mm mmm
Played it cool, but I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mm mmm

You got me trippin',(oh) stumblin',(oh) flippin',(oh) fumblin'(oh)
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)
You got me slippin,(oh) tumblin,(oh) sinking,(oh) fumblin(oh)
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)
So in love with choo...

Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Baby)
Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh No)
Girl can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh How)
Girl can't help it.

Cant breath, when you touch my sleeve,
Butterflies so crazy, ummm ummm
Whoa now? Think I'm goin' down
Friends don't know what's with me, mmm mmm

You got me trippin',(oh) stumblin',(oh) flippin',(oh) fumblin'(oh)
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)
You got me slippin, tumblin, sinking, fumblin
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love(in love)
So in love with Choo...

She can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh No)
She can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh Please)
She can't help it. The girl can't help it (Oh No)
She can't help it.

(Speakin)
You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and uh,
A girl like me don't stay single for long
'Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break up, my world is crushed and I'm all alone,
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me...
And I'm back

She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (In love)
She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (Oh God)
She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love)
Girl can't help it.
Whooo hoo hoo
She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love, yeah)
She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love, yeah baby)
She can't help it. The girl can't help it. (I'm back in love, yeah)

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)
You got me slippin, tumblin, sinking, fumblin
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)
So in love with you...

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)
You got me slippin, tumblin, sinking, fumblin
Clumsy 'cuz I'm fallin in love (in love)
So in love with you...

you made my day complete!

2008-01-08T19:49:00.000-08:00

today:

january 8, 2008

went to aplaya with my peeps!
big welcome to debbie, derhyck, ralph and apple to the group =)
BIG HUG!!!

had 3? 4? buckets?!
for a change.

actually, what's new.... it has been our every other week...or should i say every week routine. but what's new is, we had our additional guys here... who drove me home?!---- well, my big sis BALOT. =) (oh, thanksee sis!)

boe, you have to keep your mouth shut gurl!!! we're friends!!!! ----love yah! =) thanks for making my day. BIGTIME!!!

sorry, was soooo makulit. why? cause of da boi--- it's mr. manzano! just wait and see bro.... wait, kelangan nyo ba ko i seminar ni jay??? =) uh oh.... nah.....BALOT and MILAN will kill me.... oh and also momee arisse... i'm behaving myself. okay?! tsk tsk.... well, im a goodgurl, you know that.

went home at around 9am??? yeah--- i guess...

today @ 3pm, gotta do some serious stuff... SERIOUS.... what?!
yeah yeah... will let you know =)

NeW YeAr!!!!!

2008-01-03T03:26:00.000-08:00

Happy New year to everyone!!!

dec 30-31: we're at jay's place @ sta. rosa with friends... they were drank exept for me. hihi =P then went to work and....

New year was spent in the office in my station talking like sh*t...ate a lot... like there's no tomorrow ( what's new). but what i missed was spending my new year at home, with fam.... darn. that's the sad part there now. first new year that i wasn't home to watch the fireworx with them...

jan2: me and my peeps had our late new year celebration..... basag na naman. but that was really a good one!!!

don't know what else to put in here. i could say that im starting my year right =)

sana tuloi tuloi... =)

WHEN it RAIN, IT POURS***

2007-12-27T20:03:00.000-08:00

I've already deleted those old entries i had so stop looking for it. =)
no longer here.

for updates visit my multiply : www.lovebibit.multiply.com
or my most updated friendster addy: pkaysprettymaldita@yahoo.com

new chapter

2007-12-27T19:42:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over. new year's just around the corner. New year, new chapter of life.

After a four year relationship it's now officially over. But i'm okay. Nothing to mourn for. As what i always say, don't cry over spilled milk. yeah, my was not so famous that became famous line!!! =)

Now i'm living the new chapter of my life. have fully accepted all that happened to me few weeks ago...(3weeks to be exact)

it became a cycle. one day of sweetness, following day will be our "world war 3"-day, next day is the day of forgiveness then??? what's gonna be next??? within those four years, i hoped that something will change. it did. but not for so long.

this isn't out of bitterness or whatever. just to share what happened.

we're in talking terms =)

we have nothing to be bitter for. right?! it's a two way street. both of us committed mistake. both were hurt. both deserves freedom and happiness!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAVE A POSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

nonsense

2007-06-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

why would you keep on coming back to me when you have another person to be with at night?
why would you keep on coming back to me when you know i had so much of those lies?
why would you keep on coming back to me when you caused me nothing but pain?
why would you keep on coming back to me when you heard me say "GOODBYE?"

you promised me something i believed in
you promised me something i thought was for real
you promised me something i never knew would come to an end
when you promised me, i'll be the last one for you, then again you called her name

i said everything's done
i said everything's clear
when i can no longer bear the pain, i told you to let me slip away
but why did you held me back, back again in your arms,
you told me you're not letting me go
you told me this time, it's forever true

every word you say seems to last
every word you say seems so full of love
every stare, every glance were really lovely
as if ours is neverending...

but im sorry, enough.

go back to your home... where you belong =)

things are getting better***

2007-06-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

the other day, i was asked by bee wee: "complete this sentence, THE THINGS I REGRET..."

i paused for a while, tried to recall what are the things i regret. thinking that i really don't regret anything. i know in whatever i do, i do it because IT IS WHAT I LIKE AND I AM HAPPY WITH IT.

but then i told bee, "maybe the things i regret most in my life are the chances i didn't took. the only regret i have now. because when i was younger, i am afraid to lose. i won't get into a competition or fight if i know i'm going to fail. but then i realized as i grow older that i must learn how to risk something to gain something better."

"like what?" bee replied.

"like, there are several things that are/were important for us, but sometimes those were not enough to make us happy or contented, so i thought that for us to gain or get something better, why don't we try to risk something to get something where we might be happier or which might be better for us, am i right??? do i make sense?"

"yeah... alright" then Bee smiled.

***

thinking on what i said on that on the spot serious question, i realized "i make sense, did i?"
sometimes, we must not be afraid to risk something. sometimes, we're being put in a situation where we think, it's almost a matter of life and death. that we're so afraid to lose something that we thought for the longest time of ourlives could forever be ours. but the truth is, it's not--- they're not. everything in this life is temporary, like relationships, things, even happiness. and sometimes when once we thought of having something forever, we tend to be selfish and not letting it go even if it's no longer healthy for us. but sometimes, if we just risk something, we could have better than what we've let go and settle for a better price!

the bottom line is, we are the creator of our happiness. we are the author of our own book of life. it's up to us how we want the story to go.

if in case we risk something, and fail to get something better than what we've lose, we just have to patiently wait until God finally shows us the BEST.

something for something.

i think most people don't understand it. maybe because, they're narrow minded or just not TOUGH enough to play the game of life.

SMILE!

when will it be me???

2007-05-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

(VERSE1.)
I see the couple are walkin` by
Feel like I
Don`t wanna be alone today
So glad no one can see what I hide
Deep inside
How it feels to be
The girl who never gets the right guy
Tell me why
When there`s so much I`ve got to give
I wake up reaching out in the night
Ready to hold him tight
`Til I realize
That nobody is there

(CHORUS.)
When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
When`s it gonna be?
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms
That never let me go?

I`d really like to know
When will it be me?

(VERSE2.)
My friends seem to have all the love
(Feels like love.)
Knocks on their door and walks right in
I know that I am worthy of what I`ve been wishing for
I can`t wait no more
Love`s nowhere to be found

(CHORUS.)

(HOOK.)
Feeling his tender touch
(Lying in his arms.)
Talkin` bout forever together
Givin` him all of my love
That`s been trying to break free

Don`t wanna be alone
No more
I`m telling you what I need
I want someone who loves me for me
And when will it be?
Wonder when will it be?

(CHORUS.)

I ask myself
When will it be me?

bittersweet realizations

2007-05-25T17:32:00.000-07:00

was originally posted from: http://lovebibit.blogs.friendster.com/pkaysprettymaldita
***sometimes no matter how much you give yourself to a person, it will never be enough. Because no matter how you want to love them, they will always control themselves not to love you...***
***if you're hurting too much because of love, love him even more... until you feel so numb... so numb that no matter what they do and what they tell you, you'll feel nothing anymore... not because you no longer love them. but simply because you know, they can never be yours, they can never love you back.***
***if you're the kind of person who have so much love to give, God will give you a person to love that's not capable of loving others...so you can show him the true essence of love***
***when you love someone, there'll be no assurance that you'll never get hurt***
***not all people are tough. not everybody's brave. i realized i'm so brave that no other people have the guts to do what i do. almost everybody's afraid to show their 'real' emotions... not all people are brave enough to let themselves fall...so hard... so deep... even at the end, they know, they can never be loved, the way they deserved to be loved***
***i loved...i cried...i stumbled... yet, continuously, with all the pains and sorrows, i still love...***
***not because i cry, it means im weak, i cry because i am brave enough to show other people that i am just a human... not perfect. can feel pain... not because i am not being loved by the way i am giving my love away, it means there's something wrong with me, i am just too good that they're afraid that they might love me even more...***
***it's not bitterness that i feel, i am just hurting too much...because if it is, then why do i still feel good about others' luck?***
***you might not love me...it's okay. i know. i can go on with my life. just let me love you, even in my silence. and if you feel there's nowhere for you to go to, please remember, in me, you still have a home***
***if one day i'll be gone, you'll never look for me. i know. and if someday we have to bid goodbye, i know you'll never gonna miss me..***

bitch as it is

2007-05-24T05:46:00.001-07:00

what a girl wants***

2007-05-23T02:11:00.000-07:00

would you???

2007-05-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

would you smile if i say "i love you"?
would you laugh at my silliest joke?
would you walk with me on the shore during sunset?
would you give me your loyalty?
would you give me your honesty?
would you cry if you ever see me crying?
would you drink with me until the sun comes up?
would you wipe away my tears and kiss the pain away?
would you dance with me in the middle of he rain?
these are just some of the questions i'd want to ask you sometimes....yet i'm afraid to hear the answer...even if i don't have the courage to ask you if you trully love me, i believe you do...even if you don't say it to me, i believe the answer's yes.... remember? TRUST!
i know i don't have to ask anything for you, you'll give me all the answers to my questions in the right time...we always have to look on the positive side hunny bunny =) smile, we have our destiny in our hands... whatever it is, as long we believe in each other, we'll never be apart...

*baduy*haha!!!

the BEST man i know***

2007-05-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

[was originally posted from http://lovebibit.blogs.friendster.com/pkaysprettymaldita/ last 07-01-2005 at 06:58 PM]

i was listening to my all time favorite old songs, and one of the songs i love most played.. it's a song of jose mari chan's daughter, included in his old album, sing me your song again daddy.. undeniable, im a papa's girl, i am so much attached with papa. im close to mama tho. yet maybe the bond between a father and daughter is somewhat really different....my papa is still alive and kicking! he went through a lot of operations due to heart problem tho. yet he's really a fighter which all in the family has that positive attitude. and im glad that at his age(not so old however no longer that young to be groovy) papa's still healthy.as a young lady, at my teenage years, reflecting to that song (sing me your song again daddy), i always tell myself that i'm gonna marry a man whom i could see the image of papa. how papa treats me and most of all how papa loves me.i think, i guess, and i wish, i've found him. almost at my grab... yet i am not sure if he's the one. i have no plans of getting married. that's way to come but i know, i must be preparing for my future and the future of my family.. i have so much dream. i have so much love saved for my family.during my teenage years until now, i always dreamed of wearing that wedding gown, designed by me of course, walking down the aisle, with teary eyes, walking forward with papa, to the man who'll love me and i'll love for eternity. we'll say our vows in front of god.i know every father, like papa, who took good care and nourished his only daughter with unconditional love and care all through the years dreamed of walking down the aisle with his daughter, giving her hand to the man they know will take care, love and take his responsibilities over.his role of being a father will not end at the front of that aisle, yet its a start of new journey to look forward to and accepting the husband to be as a new member of the family.way back years ago, i thought i found him. its not being in a rush to find the victim, im just like an ordinary little princess dreaming for a prince.just when i thought my prince have arrived, then i realized, he's a beast who'll just try to eat my heart out leaving me into pieces.i know papa's disappointed with the life i choose to live yet having our kian left him healthier. that's a fact. and from a frog prince i found, that was the best gift i got!as what papa kept on telling me everytime i make a mistake, "life is a matter of choice"... his words of wisdom are always alive in my heart and that i'll never forget. whenever i commits mistake, i must know how to get out of that and i must not show him how broken i am and that makes me tough and whole again.if i've been a disappointment to my parents, i know at some point of ourlives, i made them happy. and i know, the unconditional love they have for me lives. i am not trying to take them for granted. yet sometimes, the urge that i have to show them i can be the goody goody daughter they deserve keeps me from falling.i know, its not my time yet to be in a rush in settling down, it's too early for me. and i am not ready for marriage either. yet the rush of finding my lifetime partner is still in my system. and i think no matter what i do, i can never take it off me.the one that i have right now will live by me, in my dreams, in my fantasy world, in my silence as my mr. right. my family don't know him yet. i don't know if they'll be able to know him. i hope so.they said when you wish and ask God for something, straight from your heart, and you patiently waited for His answer for countless years, it will come. i asked, i wished...i might have not desperately waited. i might have tried to conquer my destiny, yet at the back of my heart, the longing for that mr. right lies...i have him in my heart now.. i am hurting. its painful keeping him. my heart still aches and i still cry myself to sleep...but he reminds me so much of papa.is it a sign that i've longed asked for??? sing me your song again...daddy =)

pRiNcEsS LoVe

2007-05-18T05:59:00.000-07:00

*LOVE ME OR HATE ME*